These funny dating jokes will hook you up with some hot laughs. Whether you got a lot or not (dates), you'll get some grins.
Funny Dating Jokes:
Great Breakup Lines
My meds don't interact with you very well.
You're a sweet, smart, sensitive guy. I just don't have room in my life for that right now.
Best Dating App Dad Jokes
Get ready for the funniest, simplest and coolest jokes app from every aspect of our lives you may think of!!! Best part of all there is no need for any internet connection! All the funny jokes in the app are available to read even if you're not near an internet connection!! There's Now a Dating App Just for Anti-Vaxxers, and Twitter Has Got Some Jokes: ‘OK Q-Pid' Leia Idliby 9 hrs ago JD Logistics shares surge as much as 18% in its Hong Kong debut.
- Here are a few good examples: 'Were you hit by Avada Kedavra? Because you're drop-dead gorgeous!' 'Your smile is like Expelliarmus. Simple but disarming.' 'Accio response!' 'I know we're not in Professor Flitwick's class, but you still are charming.'.
- App-centric Openers. I know that everyone talks about this on dating apps, but if loving 'The Office' is wrong, then I don't want to be Dwight.
- Online dating jokes, funny dating jokes or simple dating jokes, read the best on Jokerz. Add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. 100 characters remaining. Get link for other Social Networks. Done Press Ctrl-C.
I need to date someone who doesn't communicate with me by rumor.
True Breakup Line:
My ex-boyfriend who I was in love with but wouldn't marry me is now sick and probably dying and wants me back and I can't say no.
Dating Jokes
One-Liners, Group 1
A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. A woman already knows.
- Monica Piper
Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.
- Jim Bishop
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Cupid gets a lot of credit for catalyzing true love, which overshadows his brother, Stupid, the god of ill-advised, drunken hook-ups.
- Ruminations.com
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate -- but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
- Alf Whit
On your first date with a guy, never give him a list of mistakes by your previous boyfriends to take home and study.
- Stephanie Piro (in a cartoon)
That tingly feeling you get when you meet someone you're really attracted to?
That's common sense leaving your body.
Funny Dating Jokes:
First Date
One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie.
He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date.
Steve replied that they'd probably see a movie then get a burger.
Susie's mom said, 'Well, Susie really likes to screw.'
Steve said, 'Huh?'
Her mom said, 'Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.'
'Okay, thanks!' replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night.
A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date.
About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled:
'Mom, it's called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!'
Funny Dating Jokes:
The Perfect Date
One day a perfect man and a perfect woman went out on a date. They had planned a perfect evening.
They wore their perfect clothes and drove a perfect car, and after a while they passed a stranger in distress.
The stranger turned out to be Santa Claus, stranded with a bag of toys. Dating app rich guys. They offered him a lift and started driving again.
Soon the weather got bad, driving conditions got nasty, and they had a bad accident. Only one of them survived.
Who was it?
It was the perfect woman. Everybody knows that Santa Claus and a perfect man are just imaginary creations that don't exit.
(Women, stop reading now. Men, keep reading.)
If the perfect man and Santa Claus don't exist, then the woman must have been driving. This explains the accident.
(Men, keep reading.)
If you're a woman and still reading this, it only proves another point: Women never listen!
The Easiest Way To Have A Hilarious Party..
Women's Dating Conversation
Two single women meet for coffee. They start talking about the men they're dating.
The first woman says she's not seeing anyone special.
The second woman says she's very excited about a guy she's been dating for a month.
'Last night we went out for dinner, and afterward he said those 4 words I've been waiting all my life to hear from a man.'
'Will you marry me?'
'No. ‘Put your money away.''
Book Of Jokes App
Funny Dating Jokes:
Communication
I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
- Garry Shandling
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
- Mitch Hedberg
Of course I care about how you imagined I thought you perceived how I wanted you to feel.
- From a cartoon by Bruce Eric Kaplan
I'm tweeting to tell you I sent you an email explaining my voicemail about the note saying I'm leaving you because we don't talk anymore.
- Kelkulus @kelkulus
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
- Rich Jeni
When is it appropriate for a man to ask, 'Where is this relationship going?'
When he's been captured by pirates, and 'Relationship' is the name of their ship.
- Bud Light commercial
I find it interesting how some women won't date a man who lives with his mom. But they will date a man who lives with his wife.
- Unknown Author, submitted by Lisa Scott, FL
Language experts have now determined that the first complete sentence all little girls learn is 'Can we still be friends?'
Funny Dating Jokes:
More One-Liners
In my 20s someone told me that each person has not one but 30 soul mates walking the earth. 'Yes,' said a colleague, when I informed him of this, 'and I'm trying to sleep with all of them.'
- Pamela Druckerman
Fancy nights out for girls are ten minutes of pure enjoyment followed by like four hours of bitching about their feet hurting in heels.
- Brandon McCarthy
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
- Rita Rudner
A first date gives you only an imperfect snapshot of who a person really is. Her real self—her hopes and dreams, her fears and sorrows—will start to emerge, like a beautiful mosaic, on the second date. I hope to have one someday.
- Andy Borowitz
I dated a guy several times and he was always interrupting me. When my friends asked me what he was like, I said he suffers from premature interjection.
- submitted by JokeQuote reader Liz
[first date]
Him: So what do you do?
Her: I'm a meteorologist.
Him: Cool. I love meat.
- The Monstrous Mr. Fitz @UnFitz
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Looking for love but avoiding the vaccine (and everyone who got the shot)? There's an app for that.
Yup, there's now a dating app just for people who not only refuse to get vaccinated, but also are trying to avoid anyone who has — and Twitter doesn't think it's the best idea.
News of the app began to make waves online after President Joe Biden and his administration promoted an effort by dating apps to fight vaccine hesitancy by giving vaccinated people a better chance of interacting with other users.
The app, meant for to 'connect critical thinkers across the world dedicated to a healthier tomorrow,' is called Unjected, and intends 'on being a safe place for covid19 unvaccinated individuals to connect and find each other in their own communities.'
The company, created by two mothers in Hawaii, claims to 'believe in true science' and 'the scientific method,' yet also states that the app allows unvaccinated people to avoid exposure to those who have been vaccinated.
'Covid19 vaccines are shedding dangerous spike proteins,' the website states, referring to a baseless theory that those who have received the Covid-19 vaccine are releasing and spreading the various.
According to a report by Nebraska Medicine, shedding cannot occur without a live vaccine, and can only happen if the virus used in a live vaccine has the ability to replicate.
Delete my pof account. 'The mRNA vaccines – Pfizer and Moderna – are not live vaccines and do not replicate,' explained the report on Covid-19 vaccine side effects. 'The Johnson & Johnson and AstraZeneca vaccines are considered live vaccines because they both contain adenovirus. (Again, they do NOT contain the coronavirus.) But the adenovirus in both the Johnson & Johnson and AstraZeneca vaccines can't replicate, so there's no way they can shed.'
While people cannot contract the coronavirus from vaccinated individuals, infectious diseases expert Dr. James Lawler explained a pretty solid way to spread the illness: 'We know that people with COVID-19 shed large amounts of virus from respiratory secretions.'
'Spike protein is primarily made locally in muscle where the vaccine is administered and may possibly be seen in low levels in the blood,' added Lawler. 'But it should not be shed in significant quantity in respiratory or other secretions.'
Healthcare reporter Ariel Cohen posted about the app, prompting Twitter users to poke fun at the latest 'dumb thing' on the internet:
The backlash to COVID-19 vaccine dating app perks: a dating site for the unvaccinated, Unjectedhttps://t.co/poR5NBLePQ
— Ariel Cohen (@ArielCohen37) May 27, 2021
I wonder what the infection rate for it is https://t.co/rDVksacOJK
— Molly Jong-Fast (@MollyJongFast) May 27, 2021
UNJECTED FAQs: 'What is this rash that comes and goes?'
— Robert Lusetich (@RobertLusetich) May 27, 2021
Each day, the Internet blesses us with a new dumb thing https://t.co/lP5l0siyDb
— Kathryn Watson (@kathrynw5) May 27, 2021
They should've called it Vectr https://t.co/7pqV3PD03p
— Tommy moderna-vaX-Topher (@tommyxtopher) May 27, 2021
OK Q-pid https://t.co/oPhutXMmA9
— joe (@JoePerticone) May 27, 2021
Dating Application Joke
Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase, 'they deserve each other…' https://t.co/ccW34508S6
— Ben Heisler (@bennyheis) May 27, 2021
oh my
— Victoria Knight (@victoriaregisk) May 27, 2021
— Robert Swartwood (@RobertSwartwood) May 27, 2021
Where Darwin finds true karma. https://t.co/pvitID2tkp
— Outspoken (@Out5p0ken) May 27, 2021
Oh dear God, this is going to end well … https://t.co/hjZgXpw9vN
— paulhogarth (@paulhogarth) May 27, 2021
… pic.twitter.com/79qWmhuqje
— Ariel Cohen (@ArielCohen37) May 27, 2021
The post There's Now a Dating App Just for Anti-Vaxxers, and Twitter Has Got Some Jokes: ‘OK Q-Pid' first appeared on Mediaite.